Diabetic Sex: Missionary Impossible by Wry Feb 10/17
It all starts with a little sugar, well….a little too much sugar actually, as too much sugar in the blood causes Diabetes and I wouldn’t wish that on other than a short list of people I keep.
Diabetics have to watch their diet so as not to ingest too much of the stuff that makes sugar, once all the ingredients have been taken in, it’s an inside job you see…and some of what you might have had is causing your eyes to ‘Flash!’ bright spots of light, unlike the vision you get after that Marley you just huffed (see ya later Bob!) and all kinds of other unsettling symptoms and bother.
At Christmas, for example, if I get to having too much fun at once and undue treats, I actually light up like a Christmas tree and people come and place gifts ‘neath me, yeah.
The condition, and it IS a condition and not a disease, does have a silver lining however, like in the case of a power outage and after doing a few Butter Tarts, my wife can lead me from room to room as I am so lit up she uses me to see things in the dark, and if the outage continues for an extended period she has me stand by her side of the bed so she can read by me, and later? When it’s lights out? She throws a blanket over me so she can sleep, yeah, I’m a limp lamp.
But, what if you want sex?
Some Diabetic men have trouble realizing the strength of their convictions.
The spirit is willing, especially if the spirit is Jack Daniels, for example, but the flesh is….um, meek, to put it mildly.
Here is a way to overcome this scenario, once you get your wife to sign a paper that says she’s mildly interested.
First, ensure that you have your bedroom ceiling done entirely in T-Bar with those soundboard panels, for two very good reasons; the first being they will absorb your wife’s hysterical laughter at your feeble attempt to get up to your rubbish AND that will save you from the derision of your neighbors and random passers- by, the snoops!
Second, stop your grinin’ and drop your linen! Yes, yes, that’s it old Apple Art Elephant Man and never mind about the wrinkles in your Birthday suit, they aren’t coming out with an iron so don’t even think about that.
Well, somethinks not right, the ‘election’ is ‘going South’! So…
Three, Up you go to the T-Bar, removing a panel to accommodate your legs aaaaand….*Flip!* you’re now upside down, hanging from the Monkey Bars like when you were a kid, or last at the zoo only the tail is in the front this time, BUT now you have Gravity on your side, and while you’re inverted and you now have created the illusion that Mr Baggins appears to be headed in the right direction, were you standing erect, er, sorry right-side up!
The problem NOW is, your wife has gone to sleep due to exhaustion from all the laughing at the proceedings, but there YOU are, wide-awake, and in mid-air.
Finally, now you’ve been ‘up’, how to get down, The Grande Finale!
Shifting your weight backwards, unbend your knees and do a Cat Drop aaaand THERE you are, still unsatisfied, a bit chilly from your Ardor cooling but safe and sound and in one piece which is what you were after in the first place, but still back at square one, but what a harrowing performance, take a bow and give yourself a hand!
Too much information.
Omg to funny
04.06 | 20:20
That's good Ray - spread it around
04.06 | 18:55
Hopefully history will finally teach us that we are all one. No better, no worse.Love one another as you would be loved - and the world and people will be in a better place.
04.06 | 18:46
Excellent musings my friend. What a twisted world and to look now and see it get worse instead of better.
04.06 | 18:16
Wow cuz that's great writing and truth